Friday, April 13, 2012

I NEVER fell down when I was drinking!

That's a lie - or course I did. But I never got hurt.

Since I quit drinking 9 months ago I have had 2 big time falls. The first one was in November, about a week before my birthday, and the night before my friend's huge 70s party.  I was walking with my friend Amy to her teaching partner's house for a craft sale/socializing type thing, and it was cold.  As I was walking I was reaching into my coat pocket for my gloves (with both hands, FYI).  Then I tripped.  My hands got stuck in my pockets, and I broke my fall with my face.  That's right, with my face.  Amy said if I had fallen an inch to the left I would have hit grass, by the way.  Luck o' the Lauren.  I got a deep abrasion and a concussion, my tooth went through my lip, and I looked awful. I felt awful.   And I missed the 70s party.  That part still bums me out, because apparently the party was amazing.  I was going to wear my roller skates to the party, too!   How cute would that have been?!?!  So now I have a scar on my face to remind me of that fabulous fall and no faboo party memories.  Sad Lauren.

Fast forward to oh, I dont know, an hour and a half ago?  My dad is visiting and he and I were walking the dog to my friend's house so I could return the copy of 50 Shades of Porn that she lent me.  The dog pulled, I fell, my ankle popped, and now I can't walk.  Ice ice baby.  So it looks like bazoom is out.  Sean is taking me to the walk in clinic as soon as we feed our guests.  Must feed the guests first.

And do you wanna know the really crappy part about this?  Aside from the obvious pain and inconvenience, I mean?  I wasn't even wearing heels.  Each time I fell.  No cute shoes anywhere near me.  Both times I was wearing clogs.  Sensible, comfortable clogs.

And I wasn't drinking.

So maybe I should go back to drinking and only wear heels???

(I'm kidding about that "going back to drinking" part...don't panic)


  1. Lauren! Poor you!
    I broke my finger when I fell wearing clogs (at 8 months pregnant, and with a very much un-potty trained toddler). I also sprained my ankle very badly wearing clogs. They are the ultimate frenemy shoe. Everything is fine and dandy, until suddenly they decide you've taken them for granted, or you're considering other shoes, and BOOM! They strike. It sucks! Mind you, it might have nothing to do with the clogs, and more to do with statistics: the chances that a woman in Vermont is wearing clogs on any given day hovers somewhere around 99%, hence the chances of her falling while wearing them is pretty good. I said that in case my clogs were listening...
    -Love, Leo

  2. Your dad was visiting, you were walking the dog, and returning the 50 Shades of Porn video. That image is going to stay with me for a good, long time after your ankle has healed. Thanks for the laugh, Lauren!

    1. Joanne, it was a book, not a video. A video would have been MUCH more awkward!