tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12310906602959692632024-03-13T00:15:03.149-04:00Laughing...Like It's My Job...and other stuffAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.comBlogger225125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-59223256918852827142018-04-02T10:52:00.000-04:002018-04-02T10:52:07.569-04:00We Are Aware 2018<div>
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WE ARE AWARE! </div>
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I am so lucky to be surrounded by this family, by these friends, and by this love and support. </div>
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I am so lucky to learn from T.J. every day about confidence, courage, humor, drive and flexibility.</div>
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I am so lucky to learn from Peter every day about heart, kindness, brotherhood, devotion and love.</div>
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I am so lucky to learn from Sean every day about love, partnership, leadership, vulnerability, and strength.</div>
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I am so, so lucky.</div>
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Autism Awareness and Acceptance Day, 2018</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-88500929212033417742018-01-19T20:59:00.000-05:002018-01-19T20:59:10.423-05:00A New FriendSo I found my first grey hair.<br />
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On my head, to be clear. I have found stray white eyebrow hairs before but I plucked those suckers and tried to forget them.<br />
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I found the single grey hair right where my hair parts. It's curly. My regular hair is bone straight.<br />
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The timing of this is suspect, by the way. It all happened a week after my sister and I said OUT LOUD that neither of us have any grey hair yet. She's older. I feel robbed.<br />
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And like my friend Jennie always says, "don't bring the evil". I brought it on by saying it out loud. Totally my own fault.<br />
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Anyway, tonight I stuck my head right under my husband Sean's nose and demanded he flashlight the hair, to determine if it's white or grey.<br />
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He said "It's a different shade of white."<br />
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So, it's grey.<br />
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Then he asked if I wanted him to pluck it out and I surprised myself when I said "NO!"<br />
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I earned that sucker, It's my new friend.<br />
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And, it's curly! Maybe my hair will finally have the full body I have always longed for!<br />
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Silver lining. Or, grey lining. Whatever.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-37483419237848614162017-11-12T07:39:00.002-05:002017-11-12T07:39:52.263-05:00Mother Knows Best. Sometimes.Hi! Long time.<br />
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I have a funny story to share with you guys.<br />
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Earlier this year, my son Pete came up from the man cave in the basement after playing xbox and said, "Mom, my xbox friend E wants to meet up at Get Air and hang out!"<br />
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Ummm.....no.<br />
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"No way, Pete. Your friend Evan is probably a pedophile waiting to pounce. Not gonna happen."<br />
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I didn't hear any more about Pete's on line friend until 2 weeks ago.<br />
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"Mom, my friend E lives in Vermont! He is in a play too so I'm going to go to his play and he's going to come up for my play."<br />
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Oh, great.<br />
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Then a few days later, Pete can up from the man cave with a stunned look on his face.<br />
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"Mom, do you have a friend named A who lives in Stowe?"<br />
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"Yyyeeeessss....how did you know that?"<br />
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"She is my friend E's mom! And she told E months ago that I was probably a pedophile too. Small world, right?"<br />
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Then he had a cute little "I told ya so" grin on his face.<br />
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So E is not a pedophile at all! And we have known his parents A and S for 20 years. And we think they all are awesome and on Friday we went to E's amazing play and this coming Friday they are coming up for Pete's play.<br />
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Crazy, right?<br />
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But I told Pete "We totally lucked out with that one. No more on line friends. They are all pedophiles. Except E."<br />
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Can't be too careful.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-50273028886247938792017-04-18T11:15:00.000-04:002017-04-18T11:15:07.870-04:00Autism Awareness<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Happy Autism Awareness Month!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My son, T.J., is 16 years old. He has autism. He celebrates World Autism Awareness Day as if it’s his own day, just for him. Which I love. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Over the years, his confidence has grown so much so that some may call him a little cocky. Let me give you an example.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Mom”, T.J. just said to me, as he came downstairs, “part of autism is doing just what you want to do.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Uh, no.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I explained to him that I don’t think there is anyone, autism or not, who gets to do just what they want to do, all of the time. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He didn’t like that. But too bad. It’s my job as his mom to raise him to be strongly independent, yet responsible. Not to spoil him. He will never learn to live independently if I spoil him.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So ok. He accepted that one. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Then he said to me, “I think I’ll do my homework as you go to get Dad at the airport.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Again, no. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">One of his traits is his strong desire to keep home and school separate. We all have had this, I think, to some degree, but this has been one of his strongest and toughest habits to break in raising T.J. For years. He has had full blown melt downs over having to bring homework home, and not getting everything done during the school hours. Even to the point of lying. We have discovered from time to time that he will not write down assignments, so that when I check his assignment book after school I will think he has no homework.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He got away with it briefly. His teachers and I are in constant communication, so it wasn’t long before the jig was up.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And I know how hard he works during his school day to hold it together. Sensory wise, it’s a tough place for him to be. When he finally gets home, all he wants to do is relax.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I get that, of course. But he also has to learn that part of being a student is bringing home homework. And studying for tests. At home.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He hates it. But he does it. I have to stay on my toes, though, because he will always try to get away with avoiding school work at home. Always.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">These are just some of the things we, as a family, have learned over time. We have learned that it is pointless to decide that a lesson is learned, and therefore it is over. That’s not how it works. We have to see what the day brings us, what our boy’s mood and behavior is, what changes he may be going through, and what compromises we need to make to ensure his well being at all times.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">That doesn’t mean he always gets his way. That <i>rarely</i> means he always gets his way.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It is a lot of work, every day. But that is our life with autism.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And I love this kid so much, just how he is. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I wouldn’t change a thing.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Happy Autism Awareness Month! We are aware!</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-18394621466037003552017-03-26T10:14:00.001-04:002017-03-26T10:17:07.279-04:00Brave Face<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="brl0g" data-offset-key="1bjin-0-0" style="color: #1d2129; font-family: 'San Francisco', -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, '.SFNSText-Regular', sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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<span data-offset-key="1bjin-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">When T.J. was little, we had all these goals for when he was done with high school. It felt so far away.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="2866h-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">We are here. We are on the edge of it.</span></div>
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<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="brl0g" data-offset-key="b9tta-0-0" style="color: #1d2129; font-family: 'San Francisco', -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, '.SFNSText-Regular', sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="b9tta-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="b9tta-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">In some ways we are ahead of the game, but in many more ways it is not the shiny success story I had my heart set on.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="cd4lg-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">We are realizing that we have to readjust our ideas of "success". </span></div>
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<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="brl0g" data-offset-key="5fia2-0-0" style="color: #1d2129; font-family: 'San Francisco', -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, '.SFNSText-Regular', sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="5fia2-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="5fia2-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">It's a lot to wrap our heads and hearts around. He is amazing - he is the best T.J. he can be - and I am so proud of him.</span></div>
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<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="brl0g" data-offset-key="ar5p6-0-0" style="color: #1d2129; font-family: 'San Francisco', -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, '.SFNSText-Regular', sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="ar5p6-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="ar5p6-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">But I am not proud of me, at all. I didn't set proper expectations in my own head, for all these years. I pushed a lot under the rug and created a much more "typical" picture of where we would be. </span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="ar5p6-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="ar5p6-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">But that's not reality - it never was.</span></div>
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<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="brl0g" data-offset-key="8i7io-0-0" style="color: #1d2129; font-family: 'San Francisco', -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, '.SFNSText-Regular', sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: -0.23999999463558197px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8i7io-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="8i7io-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">And that's what I now have to reconcile with. It's selfish of me to feel badly, but it's real. And I've always been real here, if nothing else.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="1jd02-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I won't feel badly for long, there is no time for it. But there it is. I will keep plowing ahead, and together we will find what's next for our amazing boy, and what is best for him.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="1jd02-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Not my DREAM of what I want for him, but what his REALITY is. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="1jd02-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I always said to fellow autism parents, "don't look too far ahead. Don't put your expectations of what you want on your kid, they will show you the way bit by bit."</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="1jd02-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I wish I had listened to my own advice. Brave face. Here we go.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-78319312014533624112016-12-20T07:56:00.002-05:002016-12-20T08:43:21.087-05:00A Message from T.J.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Happy Holidays from us to you! Thank you for all of your support! XO</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-23708875755992134512016-12-09T16:23:00.000-05:002016-12-12T07:36:21.381-05:00Holidays and Autism - How Quickly I Forget!<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This time of year is crazy, isn’t it? That time between Thanksgiving and Christmas? For our family we find ourselves running around trying to recover from one holiday and gear up for the next. Throw autism into the mix, and it’s a whole different ballgame.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Let me explain….</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My son, T.J., is 16 and has autism. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Over the years, our holidays have varied between seamless and disaster. We have had to find what works for our family and tweak it year after year, as different locations, people, and the changes in T.J. himself change how he reacts and behaves.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This year, both T.J. and his brother Peter, 15, had the entire Thanksgiving week off from school. Thank you, school district! Those few extra days sure do help our family out!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The Tuesday before Thanksgiving, we drove from our home in Vermont to my sister’s home in Boston. My sister and her husband have 4 kids and the cousins all really love each other. But get those monkeys together and the noise level definitely goes up a notch or twelve.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">T.J. has learned over time to find a quiet spot for himself in my sister’s house, and retreat there when he needs to have a break. Everyone is very accepting of whatever T.J. needs to do to be ok with the increase in activity and noise. No problem.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Thanksgiving day comes along, and we all pile into cars to caravan to our cousin’s house in Connecticut. Our Thanksgiving crew has grown as our families have grown, and we are quite the loving, rowdy, laughing, fun filled bunch! It’s really a wonderful group of family, filled with love and understanding for our T.J., who finds his coping mechanism on his own each year. This year, he spent a lot of time on his iPad and headphones, with breaks in between, and not only was Thanksgiving day a huge success for our noise-sensitive guy, he even stood up and made the most beautiful toast at the beginning of the feast. It brought me to tears, as he expressed his love for his family so eloquently.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The day after Thanksgiving was another wonderful one, back in Boston, seeing the wonderful family who could not make it to the feast in Connecticut. A little more low-key than Thanksgiving day, yet still filled with activity. T.J. did a great job, and we all had a wonderful time.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">On Saturday, as we drove home to Vermont, I reflected on T.J. and his behavior over the past few days. I beamed as I thought of how far he has come - no more meltdowns during the holiday, as he has figured out what works best for him, and how we have all supported his coping skills with the craziness of the travel and people.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I felt so proud.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My husband, Sean, reminded me as we drove that we needed to stop at the outlets to try to find some new jeans for our constantly growing boys. We knew it would be chaotic, as the outlets were filled with holiday shoppers, but we also knew that desperate times call for desperate measures. So we stopped.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Long story short, we knew the crowds would be too much for T.J., so we decided to try on jeans for sizing purposes only, and order them on line after we got home.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">What I didn’t know, and what Peter told me later, is that T.J. was muttering curse words under his breath the entire time we were there. He was really stressed out, and holding it together by a thread.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Which explains his behavior when we finally got home.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Without going into details, T.J. exhibited some strong words and signs of anger to both Sean and I after we were home. The only one who could get through to him and help calm him down was his brother Peter, our hero of the day.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">After the close call, and after T.J. and Peter were both settled in back at home, I thought to myself how stupid I can be.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Here I was, walking around like normal and like everything is fine, when brewing beneath the surface of my sweet T.J. was a stressed out boy with autism percolating, ready to blow.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">How had I forgotten the years past, when my focus was so keenly placed on how T.J. was doing? How had I forgotten that his ability to cope with noise, activity and stress is finite?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I have no good excuse. And to be quite honest, I don’t really need one.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Over the years, we have learned what works and what doesn’t. Our whole family. This includes me! I am ok with however T.J. needs to learn what works for him. Why was I not ok with how I need to learn what works with him?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">On this journey with autism, I have to remember that it is ok to give myself permission to not be right all the time. I am human. I slip up. I forget what I need to do.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As long as no one gets hurt, I am allowed to make mistakes, and continue to learn, just like my boys are. I have to remember to be as flexible with my own learning as I am with theirs.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Of course I felt silly that I forgot this, but whatever gets all of us through the holidays with laughter and love and wonderful memories and new traditions is 100% ok with me.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Live and learn. Every day.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I hope you all enjoy your holidays with your families just as much as I look forward to enjoying my holidays with mine. With patience, love, respect, room for error, and flexibility! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And cookies. Lots of cookies.</span></span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-42753563393573377982016-10-05T12:09:00.002-04:002016-10-05T12:28:39.436-04:0010 Thoughts on Starting School - Autism Edition<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">1. I am always learning something new about my 16 year old.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">We typically begin our school prep about 2 weeks before the first day, so the transition from summer to school runs as smoothly as possible.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">For the first time, this included TJ wanting all of his school supplies put together and organized way ahead of time!</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Such a difference from last year’s night-before-first-day-of-classes madness!</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">So not only am I learning what works best for TJ from year to year, TJ is learning what he prefers, communicating his needs clearly, and not waiting until the last minute.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Win-win!</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2. Being a Junior has perks! Our high school uses a schedule of alternating days (A day, then B day, then A day….). If you are a Junior and you don’t have a scheduled class, you can leave campus. On A days, TJ has no first period classes or last period classes. And nothing beats the grin on that kid’s face when I drop him off on A days, after everyone else has already been there for over and hour. “See you in 4 hours mom!” Huge grin, every time. We are 5 weeks in and the novelty has yet to wear off on him. It’s a really good grin.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">3. At the start of every year I am reminded that his new teachers have yet to know the true TJ. He is a fantastic and funny kid, he is good natured and eager to please, and he loves to make people laugh. On his first day of school, TJ had Geometry when he thought he had lunch. His special educator found him in the cafeteria and told him calmly of his mistake - emphasizing that it’s such an easy mistake to make and he is not in trouble at all. At this point I was told 2 things: (1) TJ walks really fast when he wants to, and (2) he isn’t shy in front of people he doesn’t know. Apparently, when he got to his classroom late, he announced (loudly) “Sorry I’m late - my schedule screwed me over!” The kids laughed, which made TJ happy. I was told that his geometry teacher looked a little puzzled but smiled, and welcomed him immediately. She doesn’t know TJ yet, or his sense of humor. But she will.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">4. TJ will never not want snack. He will need his goldfish in a ziplock bag every day until he is old and grey. That’s just the way it is.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">5. TJ showing his little brother, and incoming freshman, Peter around the high school this summer was a great idea that they both benefitted from: Peter has a leg up in knowing his way around, and TJ is so proud of helping his brother out. He doesn’t get a lot of those opportunities, so grabbing this one is important.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">6. TJ hates homework. This hasn’t changed. It’s all about our attitude regarding homework as parents, and following a homework routine. A calm Mom makes for a calm TJ. Breathe.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">7. Save math homework help for Dad. See number 6.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">8. As TJ’s Mom, it is so important for me to remember to check my email multiple times throughout his day. TJ’s special educator will send me questions and/or issues throughout his day, some which require a prompt response. For example, TJ’s best buddy Colby was going to take TJ out for ice cream after school - Colby has his license and it’s their first outing without any parents. I got an email from his special educator, SM, saying that TJ was upset that I had forgotten to give him his ice cream money. My quick reply stopped TJ’s worry - Colby was to pick up TJ at home <i>after</i> school, and I will pick up TJ at the regular time. Immediately SM replied, “Great - all cleared up. TJ feels much better - he will see you at the regular pick-up time.” Crisis averted! And TJ and Colby, plus another friend, had a great time getting ice cream on their own. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">9. TJ’s classmates really love him. We live in a very supportive community with a fantastic school system - I am so grateful for this. Everyday.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">10. Hard work pays off. TJ has worked so hard every day since his autism diagnosis, and I worried so much about his future and what it would look like. Now that he is 16, I see a strong, smart, independent, thoughtful, confident young man standing before me, who can make any future for himself that he chooses. I still worry, of course, but he advocates for himself so well every day, that I am letting go of so much of that worry. He knows what is good for him and what isn’t. He speaks his mind. He stands up for himself. He works hard. He communicates his needs clearly (for the most part - this one is a huge work in progress). He is proud of who he is.</span></span></div>
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To say that I am proud of him doesn’t even come close. </span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-79970128815590357062016-08-11T15:57:00.001-04:002016-08-11T15:57:21.241-04:00Take Your Time<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My son TJ is 16. He has autism.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He is going to be a Junior in high school. He is so excited to be half way done with high school - a thought that, as his mother, makes me a little panicky. But I digress.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">On Monday we got his schedule for the new school year in the mail. He was so excited to open it! And the first class on his first day was Driver’s Ed.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Driver’s Ed. Did I mention I get a little panicky?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">No matter, because I studied theatre in college, so whenever I have that parent panic, I go instantly into actress mode, and do my best “I am so easy breezy it’s not even funny” type of mother acting.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It usually works quite well.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It worked well this time, too, which is good, because when big things come up for TJ that we need to work through, I don’t want him to be influenced by me in any way.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So when I saw “Driver’s Ed” on his schedule, I smiled, and said “TJ, you got Driver’s Ed! That’s great! So many kids want that class and don’t get it!”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This is true. It’s a hot commodity, this class. You can register for it after you’re 15 years old and you can’t get your license without it, unless you wait until you’re over 18. And if memory serves, not many kids want to wait until they are 18 to start driving.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now TJ’s first reaction was to smile and say, “Great!” And then I said to him, “TJ, in order to take this class, you have to have your learner’s permit. We can sign you up to take the test in about a week or two, but you’ll have to study for it. How does that make you feel?”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">TJ scrunched his nose a little and said, “I don’t know.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I know that “I don’t know”. It’s usually a sign of nerves. So I told him to just look through the rest of his schedule and we can talk about it the next day.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So the next day, I asked TJ how he was feeling about the whole Driver’s Ed thing. Again, I got an “I don’t know.” So I suggested we go to the DMV web page and check out their informational videos about driving.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He sat through about half of the video when he said, “Can I stop now?”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now inside, I’m thinking that our planning time is running out. If he is going to take the class in 3 weeks, he needs to take his permit exam in 2 weeks, which means he has got to start studying.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But not today. I gave him one more day to think things through.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So yesterday, I sat down with TJ. Time to get serious.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“TJ, I know you’re feeling a little nervous about driving. Are you feeling rushed to get your permit?”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Yes.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Would you like to drop the class this semester, and take your time getting your permit? We can try to get the class another time. Even next year, if you’re not ready yet. It’s ok. And it’s up to you.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">With that, he seemed instantly lighter. He thought for a second, then said to me, “I think I’d like to wait.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And as soon as I said OK, he breathed out deeply and said, “Boy do I feel better!” And then, that smile.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My sweet TJ is on his own schedule. He always has been. He learned to ride his bike long after his little brother did. He didn’t feel comfortable walking home from school alone until late in his Freshman year. And the first time he went back into the Dentist Office without me with him was yesterday. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So even though he is already 16, and many of his peers have their driver’s license, my TJ will wait. He will take his sweet time until it feels right for him.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And that’s a-ok by me.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And now, he can’t wait for school to start. </span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-45996235254515155182016-05-21T11:30:00.000-04:002016-05-21T11:33:00.337-04:00Talk Less....Smile MoreI have been obsessed with the Hamilton soundtrack lately. If you haven't listened to it yet, go do that. Right now. I'll wait.<br />
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OK - see why? It's innovative and electric and performed by such huge talent that I am in awe of these skilled people who wrote it and performed it. It's the musical geek in me - she lives, and she is always hankering for more.<br />
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Last night we went to a local bar where a friend's band was performing. Some of my favorite people were there, and I am always happy to lay my eyes on these people who I adore and hardly ever get to see with our busy lives. And the band was just fantastic.<br />
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Obviously, since it's a bar, the fact that I'm sipping seltzer while my friends have beers and cocktails is always tucked in my back pocket. I'm aware it's there, but it's not a big deal. It certainly won't get in the way of my enjoying these wonderful folks, and I'm happy to report that I did just that.<br />
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On the way home, it hit me. As it sometimes does. Not so much the drinking itself, but more of what has changed in my life because of it.<br />
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There is a repeated theme in the show Hamilton: "Talk less, smile more. Don't let them know what you're against or what you're for." If you talk less, you make less waves, upset less people, and keep things lighter and happier.<br />
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For me, I can't do that. Not anymore. This, I believe, is the huge difference between newly sober Lauren and today Lauren. <br />
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I have heard that it takes at least three years of sobriety to feel "normal" again after you quit. For me, it took a bit more. <br />
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When I was drinking I was much better at "talk less, smile more." But during those first three years of sobriety, I slowly began to feel like something was wrong with me. I felt like I was slowly getting squeezed, and I shouldn't complain about it, as to not rock the boat. I couldn't figure it out, but I slowly knew that something wasn't right. <br />
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Finally I realized my version of "talk less, smile more" was what was making me feel so badly. I had to make some changes in how I lived my everyday life. Not to hurt anyone, but to finally take care of myself. It wasn't pretty - basically I was like a bottle of an extra carbonated seltzer that finally blew (notice I said "seltzer" instead of "champagne" - healthy choices!). It was a bumpy transition, to say the least, and acceptance of this new me took a long time for me to digest. But hearing the phrase "talk less, smile more" finally put into context the biggest transition I have ever made in my life.<br />
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Some of the losses I experienced are natural as a result of changing my entire being. I know that it doesn't matter who understands this and who doesn't, even though knowing that some don't understand it still hurts a bit. Loss sucks, yes, but what huge gains I have made! Those who do understand me really know the true me, who I can honestly say is better than any me I have lived before (not including my time at boarding school - that was my complete authentic 100% rockin' self, if I do say so). I don't say everything that pops into my head, and do filter myself, as that's just common courtesy. And wisdom. But for the big important stuff, I talk more. I do it with a smile, but that's just who I am.<br />
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I know that "talk less, smile more" really works for some people, and for them, that's the way to go. I say, do whatever you need to do to live your true, authentic self, whatever that looks like. Aside from blatantly hurting people for fun, don't do that. That's just crappy. But finding out how to live honestly day to day is a gift that I never would have given myself if I hadn't made the decision to stop drinking. <br />
<br />
Anyway, that's the latest Lauren realization. That, and any sentence with the word "pants" in it is funny. It just is.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-46235249930531455492016-04-10T10:40:00.000-04:002016-04-10T10:40:08.198-04:00Sibling DayOn Facebook, there is a day for everything. A "national pet day", or a "national penguin appreciation day". Facebook lets you know. Everyday it's something.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Well, according to good ole' FB, today is National Sibling Day.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My sibling story is kinda cool.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
First, there is my sister. She and I have shared so much, and she is the only one who knows my entire story from the beginning of time. Well, the beginning of Lauren time, anyway. She is amazing and my right arm and I adore her. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
After my parents divorced, my dad remarried pretty soon after. He married this wonderful lady, Kathy, who is one of my favorite people on the planet. The first time I introduced her as my "step mom" she scoonched up her nose and said it sounded weird. I think visions of Cinderella's wicked step mother danced in her head. I get it. So from then on she was introduced as "my dad's wife".</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Over time, she has gone from "my dad's wife" to my wonderful friend. And I treasure my time with her. She is, quite simply, faboo.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Anyway, at the end of my junior year in college, dad and Kathy had a baby - Chris. Two and a half years later, Steve was born.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
For me it was love at first sight(s). I lived in Boston after school, so seeing these boys became a regular event. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As a sister, I am so lucky that I have been able to experience these boys at all their phases in life. There is something cool about being an adult and watching your little brothers grow up.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
When Steve was two and Chris was 5, I was spending an afternoon with them while they had friends over. I remember I was standing next to Chris, who was standing next to his friend H, also 5, who was standing next to his sister, A. She was 2. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
H looked at me and asked Chris, "Who is that?"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Chris looked at me and answered simply, "That's my sister."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
H looked stunned. He looked at me, then looked at his own sister, then said to Chris, "Your sister's ginormous."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Later, after I was married and moved to Vermont, Dad, Kathy and the boys would come up for visits. On one of these visits, we were taking the boys to see farm animals. Chris and Steve were in my car with my husband Sean and I.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As we drove by wide open fields, we saw one that was dotted with giant hay bails, wrapped in white plastic. They looked like huge marshmallows.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The boys asked what they were and I answered, "That's a marshmallow field. Huge marshmallow grow there, and the farmers cut them up and put them in little bags, and send them to the store. Haven't you guys ever seen a marshmallow field before?"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Wide eyed, and drooling a little, they bought it, hook, line and sinker.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I was very proud of myself as they excitedly asked Dad, "Did you guys see the marshmallow field???" This taught me that there is no age gap wide enough that you can't mess with your little siblings. It's like my right to do so.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I have watched these boys through middle school awkwardness, high school growth, and college maturity. My youngest brother, Steve, is a senior at a college 10 minutes away from my house. These past four years he has truly become a part of life around here - we see him every week (laundry) and I can't imagine a Sunday around here without him after he graduates. There will be some adjustments to be made on my part. To say simply "he will be missed" is a huge understatement.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But I can't wait to see what happens next, for both of them.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This past Thanksgiving, we were the hosts. When my brothers arrived with Dad and Kathy, Chris yelled, "Hey! It's your brother from another mother!"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
HE'S RIGHT!!! Literally! How had we never said this before?!?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So, to both my brothers from another mother, happy sibling day. I'm so glad we have each other.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And to my sister, too. Of course. But I think Chris and Steve kinda deserve their own post. Susan I could write about for hours and hours, but then she would have to kill me. Sister secrets and all.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-9617654746229870642016-03-31T16:45:00.001-04:002016-03-31T16:45:53.914-04:00Four YearsI realized earlier today that this is my 4 year anniversary of blogging! My friend called it a "Bloggaversary" which I like, so there you go.<br />
<br />
Anyway, it seemed like I should write something today, this being my bloggaversary and all.<br />
<br />
Something profound.<br />
<br />
Well, "Lauren" profound. <br />
<br />
I was thinking how different things were for me 4 years ago.<br />
<br />
I wasn't even one year sober yet. That's a big one.<br />
<br />
I had never dreamed of being published anywhere, much less being published in The Washington Post. And The Mighty. And the Organization for Autism Research.<br />
<br />
I wasn't a "writer" yet. I still giggle at that one - calling myself a "writer".<br />
<br />
The writer friends I have made since I started writing were strangers to me. I'm so happy to have them now.<br />
<br />
I had a healthy and fully functioning hamstring. This one has nothing to do with my bloggaversary, but today I have really missed exercising for some reason so it's been a hammy-centered day, somewhat.<br />
<br />
My boys didn't have that proud feeling of contribution and of helping the people that they have, after they have allowed me to share their stories. That's a big one too.<br />
<br />
Anyway, thank you all for helping me to start this. And to continue this. And to really love doing this. I never would have started if I hadn't been encouraged by friends and family, and wonderful readers.<br />
<br />
So thank you guys. A lot.<br />
<br />
Keep laughing!!! Like it's your job! XOXOAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-37877059856441797122016-03-09T10:13:00.000-05:002016-03-09T10:13:17.697-05:00Make New FriendsMy family and I recently went on a wonderful vacation. Our first real one - one that didn't piggy back on a business trip of Sean's. TJ and Peter are both at ages where a trip is, finally, not only do-able, but really wonderful.<br />
<br />
On the first morning of the first day of our trip, in true Lauren style, I slipped on the concrete just outside of a pool. I never knew I could do a split! Oh wait, I can't. <br />
<br />
Long story short, I pulled my hamstring. I could walk, which means it wasn't completely torn. I saw the doctor at the resort who put me on Ibuprofen. I was able to enjoy the rest of my trip very much - limping and sore, but otherwise fully engaged with the family. No waterslides for me, but let's face it, that's probably for the best.<br />
<br />
This morning I started physical therapy - PT - to strengthen that hammie because I still can't zumba or walk with any sort of impressive pace whatsoever. And it aches if I'm sitting for too long.<br />
<br />
My physical therapist, K, is really nice. She seemed to appreciate my random sense of humor, which one really needs in PT.<br />
<br />
Because basically, her hand was almost up my ass.<br />
<br />
Seriously. Not to be crass, but that's where my hammie is sore - way up there where it connects to the pelvic bone. K and I are now really close friends.<br />
<br />
That's all. Just wanted you guys to know I've made a new friend. Have a great day, everyone!<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-84955386939427412012016-03-08T08:48:00.002-05:002016-03-08T09:07:27.548-05:00The Wave MachineI used to love puzzles.<br />
<br />
What a nice way to spend a lazy Sunday, going to and from a really tough puzzle, and loving that feeling of satisfaction when it's finally done. Then leaving it on the table to be admired, at least for a little bit.<br />
<br />
Now that I'm an autism mom, puzzles don't really do it for me. I find that I just don't have the patience anymore - my patience is otherwise used up on my kids.<br />
<br />
Which brings me to that dang puzzle piece symbol for autism.<br />
<br />
It never really bothered me before, until I really started thinking about it. <br />
<br />
One autism organization uses the puzzle piece symbol for autism awareness, with the tag line "Until all the pieces fit." Well, tag line creators, I've got some news for you....<br />
<br />
Those pieces? They will never all fit. That dang puzzle will never be completed. You never get that feeling of satisfaction upon completion.<br />
<br />
Now before you all get riled up in an uproar, hear me out.<br />
<br />
Parenting, no matter if you parent a neurotypical kid (us folks in the biz call those "normal" kids "NT kids". It's much better than "normal", don't you think? That way, there is no "not normal" on the other side. But I digress.) or a kid like my TJ who has autism, is a journey. There is no ending. <br />
<br />
"Until all the pieces fit" contains the hope that eventually, all those pieces, even the toughest ones, will fit into a nice neat puzzle that you can stand back and admire.<br />
<br />
For us, just as soon as we have figured out one tricky part of the puzzle, another one pops up. Or maybe a year after we thought we had solved a problem, it re-presents itself in a new form, maybe a little distorted from its original presentation, but needs to be addressed all over again.<br />
<br />
Parenting, no matter what kind of brain your kiddo has, is fluid.<br />
<br />
Wouldn't it be nice if it wasn't? Can you imagine, finally finding how that last little bugger of a puzzle piece fits into the whole picture, and you have laid before you a beautiful portrait that you have been waiting to see in its completion? <br />
<br />
Yeah - not gonna happen.<br />
<br />
Please don't get me wrong - there are plenty of amazing moments in parenting. Moments of celebrating successes, solving problems, connecting to your child's journey and life in a real and meaningful way. Joys. Sorrows. Ups and downs.<br />
<br />
See? Fluid.<br />
<br />
Instead of that puzzle piece, I like to picture something more like one of those desktop wave machines. Rocking back and forth, beautiful blues and greens, ebbing and flowing. And always in motion. <br />
<br />
Without an end.<br />
<br />
So in theory, that puzzle piece works for many, I get it. And I'm all for ANYTHING that increases autism awareness and acceptance in the world.<br />
<br />
But for me, for my family, for my boys with very different brains and very different ways of living in this world, give me a wave machine any day.<br />
<br />
<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-14126035763632285632016-01-26T10:30:00.003-05:002016-01-26T10:30:41.779-05:00This...All Day Long100% THIS! <3<br />
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And that's all. </div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-6899734925376868072016-01-11T09:14:00.000-05:002016-01-11T09:14:16.947-05:00I'm Still LearningI've learned so much the past few weeks.<br />
<br />
I've learned that lots of people on the internet get worked up and angry at the drop of a hat.<br />
<br />
I've learned that no matter what you write, or your intentions behind it, everyone reads it through their own filter, coloring your words accordingly.<br />
<br />
I've learned that complete strangers, who don't know me, feel very justified and comfortable making judgments of my life and character based on a snippet of information.<br />
<br />
I've learned that responding to aggression is a waste of time, and even if I respond with calm reason, it can and will be misconstrued.<br />
<br />
I've learned that I signed up for all of this when I agreed to publish my work. I already knew that, but I got lots of reminders.<br />
<br />
I've learned that the Block button is a beautiful tool.<br />
<br />
I've learned that I could hear 1,000 positive messages, and I'll dwell on the 3 negative ones if I don't catch myself and stop myself from doing so.<br />
<br />
I've learned how to do so.<br />
<br />
I've learned that I'm already doing a really good job with my family and with my writing, with sharing but not oversharing, with respecting the dignity of my child and my family, and with writing in my own voice.<br />
<br />
I've learned that this is a process, and that what my writing and sharing looks like changes as I go.<br />
<br />
I've learned that I don't know everything, and that I am open to learning more. <br />
<br />
I've learned that when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong. I already knew that, too, but it's a good reminder.<br />
<br />
I've learned that I'm tougher than I thought I was.<br />
<br />
I've learned that I have really good people in my life. I already knew that one, too, but I'm so happy to repeat it.<br />
<br />
I've learned to stay out of a discussion if I can't be heard for whatever reason, or if that discussion is no longer constructive. Even if I have something to add to defend my character. <br />
<br />
I've learned when to walk away. The "having the last word" thing is stupid.<br />
<br />
I've learned that there are a lot of really wonderful people out there. They are the ones who deserve my energy and attention.<br />
<br />
I've learned a lot. And I will keep learning every day.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-40379480822242500992015-12-29T09:02:00.000-05:002015-12-29T09:24:01.390-05:00I Deserve ItGreetings from the land of "We all are getting colds!" 'Tis the season.<br />
<br />
I have had some ask me recently how I quit drinking. Let's back up a teeny bit - no need to revisit the drama in depth.<br />
<br />
I was a party girl. Then I used tough times as an "I deserve this 3pm cocktail" excuse. Then when it got to be too much, it was time to stop.<br />
<br />
So I stopped. I just stopped.<br />
<br />
This was four + years ago. And it was really hard.<br />
<br />
Until it wasn't.<br />
<br />
For me, the excuse of "I deserve this" was just so lame that even I recognized it. My husband and kids didn't deserve to have me as absent and tuned out and tired as I was. I didn't deserve the shame and guilt the next day. Not to mention the hangovers.<br />
<br />
This is what I deserve:<br />
<br />
I deserve to be present with my family. 100%.<br />
<br />
I deserve to feel comfortable and confident with my friends, and not worry about what they think of me (now I do!).<br />
<br />
I deserve to be healthy and maintain a good weight.<br />
<br />
I deserve to be able to wake up and jump right in to my day without a headache.<br />
<br />
I deserve to feel proud of myself every day and feel proud that I am doing the best thing for myself, even if it's different from the norm.<br />
<br />
I deserve to not feel the shame every day of knowing that I'm drinking too much. And the shame of knowing that I embarrassed myself, again. And the shame of knowing that the funny drunk Lauren routine was wearing thin. Shame is a bitch and I don't miss it at all. Let's face it - the "let's remind Lauren what she said last night" routine was getting old.<br />
<br />
This isn't for everyone - you know if you drink too much or not. We are aware. I couldn't stop at 2 or 3 like my most people could - I certainly didn't need any more, but I deserved it, dammit. <br />
<br />
Now I deserve so much more. And I've got it. <br />
<br />
So that's how I did it. You're welcome.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-79296875236729404202015-12-20T15:44:00.001-05:002015-12-20T15:44:26.023-05:00'Tis the SeasonWe've had a bumpy weekend.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I was out running errands today when I ran into a friend (I ran into a couple, happily!) who knows us since the boys were in elementary school - she was the Assistant Librarian at the boys' school. So she has been with us through our entire journey with TJ since he started Kindergarten.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
She asked how we were doing - yesterday I had posted about an autism meltdown that TJ had on Facebook and she had seen it. The great part about what happened was that after the worst of the meltdown was over, TJ asked me to give him squeezes (deep pressure bear hugs that make him feel better). It was the first time he had asked for those without my offering first. Huge step for him! We were so proud of him asking for what he needed to take care of himself.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Anyway, my friend mentioned that all the excitement of Christmas coming up must be a huge contributing factor to TJ's being on edge.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
She's right - it is.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Imagine your typical kid the week before Christmas - how excited they are, and how magical everything feels.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Now imagine that times 10. That's what it's like for TJ. The highs are higher than normal, and the lows are lower.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Add to that his self-imposed guilt trip and fear of Santa's Naughty List when he yells uncontrollably or gets mad at me or his brother because his sensory system is on overload. It takes some serious convincing that he is still on the Nice List.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So as keyed up as TJ is, I have to be that much more calm and controlled. An interesting position to be in, as that is not the natural state of affairs, to say the least. But somehow, the more intensly he reacts, the calmer I respond. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I surprise even myself.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Anyway, that's where we are at. A quiet calm peaceful relaxed afternoon at home as we try to keep the peace and prevent more meltdowns.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I had a cute outfit picked out for a party we were supposed to attend, too. Darn it. I'll save it for another day. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The shoes, however, I will wear now. Good shoes always help things, dontcha think?</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-44050197188177687302015-12-14T12:34:00.000-05:002015-12-14T21:25:39.912-05:002015Ah the holidays! <br>
<br>
I'm thrown off completely that it's 55 degrees outside instead of snowy, but whatever.<br>
<br>
During this time of year I get awfully reflective. Normally, in the past, I have focused on what I struggled with rather than with what went well.<br>
<br>
Well guess what?<br>
<br>
I can't really think of any huge struggles this year!!!<br>
<br>
Is this possible?!?! This is me we're talking about here....<br>
<br>
But yes, it's not only possible, but it's TRUE!<br>
<br>
WAHOO!!!!<br>
<br>
In trying to figure out that magic formula of going with the flow and living a positive, healthy, happy life, I seemed to have stumbled across it. Somehow.<br>
<br>
Perhaps it was all the work I've done on myself the past few years? I have come from a place of not liking my wimpy take-the-back-seat self, to being angry with myself about wasting time in negativity, to just, quite simply, being happy.<br>
<br>
This is not to say that I haven't had <i>any</i> struggles this year - I have. Everyone does. But I have handled them in a more positive way than I ever have before.<br>
<br>
I have let go of hurt.<br>
<br>
I have let go of things I can't control.<br>
<br>
I have focused on the amazing people in my life - there are a LOT of them!!!<br>
<br>
I have enjoyed the small things. And the big things! And the small things that are big things to me and my family.<br>
<br>
And all those things in between.<br>
<br>
And I have found peace and joy and happiness and lots of love and laughter along the way.<br>
<br>
So thank you friends, for sticking with me. I am grateful for you every day.<br>
<br>
Thank you family, for holding me up. And challenging me. And loving me all the time.<br>
<br>
Thank you, Sean and TJ and Peter - you are my heartbeat. You are my everything, every day.<br>
<br>
And thank you all, for just....all of it.<br>
<br>
Happy 2016!<br>
<br>
<br>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-59866980170275046292015-11-14T15:02:00.001-05:002015-11-14T15:02:36.561-05:00An Email From PeterPeter sent me an email from school yesterday:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: normal;">Mom, today in activity period, I was on a website for some research for my Spanish project. There was an ad for The Mighty. And I clicked on it and searched for your letter you wrote me that you posted last year. [</span><a class="" href="http://themighty.com/2014/10/a-letter-to-my-son-about-his-big-brother-with-autism/" style="line-height: normal;">http://themighty.com/2014/10/a-letter-to-my-son-about-his-big-brother-with-autism/</a>] It brought me to tears while reading it. And even now as I type this I'm tearing up. I just wanted to say thank you for that letter. It reminds me of how thankful I am for how I am today after that rough first years through birth to Kindergarten. When I read the line "I wish you had more playgrounds as a toddler" is what gets me every time. Whenever I say or read this, I tear up. I can't thank you enough for all you've done.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br class="" />I love you<br />XOXO<br /> -Peter</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Be still my heart.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">One of my biggest concerns in raising a child with autism is raising a little brother of a child with autism. Does he get enough attention? Is he missing out on anything that I can help with? Is he happy? Does he feel loved?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Well, this email from Peter not only warmed my heart and made me cry, but it showed me that he is doing just fine.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Last week, TJ, Peter and I all spoke to UVM School of Medecine's second year students for their disabilities awareness week. We are so fortunate to do it every year.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The students asked TJ, "If you could tell us one thing about living with autism, what would it be?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">TJ answered, "That it is a gift."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I think you're right, TJ. As hard as it can be, it is indeed a gift, in many ways.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">For all of us.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-40632198833134585952015-11-11T08:59:00.000-05:002015-11-11T08:59:26.378-05:00An Epiphany from a Former BoozerI've had an epiphany.<br />
<br />
I'm a super-sensitive person. Always have been. I cry at the drop of a hat - happy and sad times. It's annoying as hell. It's one of those things about myself that has been the hardest to deal with.<br />
<br />
I have realized that one of the hugest reasons that I drank so much was to stop feeling so much. I feel everything very strongly. Everything. Stress, joy, insecurity, fun, happy and sad. Drinking helped to quiet down and numb all those feelings that I was constantly experiencing.<br />
<br />
Except when it didn't. Sometimes I felt things even more strongly and reacted in a way that I wouldn't have, without the booze.<br />
<br />
I embarrassed myself a lot. <br />
<br />
But one of the best things about my quitting drinking is not only coping with all those strong feelings, but accepting them as a part of who I am. Without apology. Without regret. Without shame.<br />
<br />
So now what you get is 100% me, like it or not. Take it or leave it, it is what it is.<br />
<br />
And I must say, not only do I like myself more, but I respect myself more. A hell of a lot more. <br />
<br />
And if you don't respect me, I don't care. For the first time in a <i>long</i> time, I have enough respect for myself to more than cover for those who have no respect for me.<br />
<br />
How's that? Not to shabby for little ole' me, right?<br />
<br />
Also, I gotta say, no more hangovers kind of really rules supreme. Those sucked. <br />
<br />
And seltzer has come a long way. Thank god. <br />
<br />
I'm so deep!<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-79413191946694368522015-10-21T12:21:00.002-04:002015-10-21T12:31:52.806-04:00You're Gonna Hear Me Roar!I was in my zumba class yesterday - a class I don't usually take, and am not familiar with the music. <br />
<br />
TJ's science teacher, from last year, was there too - side note. Love her.<br />
<br />
Anyway, Katy Perry's "Roar" came on, and when the song was done I said to TJ's faboo science teacher, "That is TJ's victory song!"<br />
<br />
The funny thing is, I didn't even realize that TJ HAD a victory song until I said it out loud.<br />
<br />
But let's think about it - I've always been a musical person. And every time TJ succeeds at something, or hits a milestone, or accomplishes something that he had been struggling with, that is the song that sums up how it feels for me.<br />
<br />
Keep in mind, this isn't HIS victory song for him. This is MY victory song for him.<br />
<br />
I think it's something that I have this song symbolizing his success, like a soundtrack of his life. I think that as time goes by, I will have more songs in mind that add to his soundtrack. That's just how my mind works, I guess.<br />
<br />
And Peter has a song, too. Katy Perry's "Firework". What is it with me and Katy Perry?<br />
<br />
I think I'll tell these guys that I have victory songs for them when they get home from school....I can't wait to see the look on their faces. Another "oh god our mom is nuts" expressions.<br />
<br />
And I love every second of it.<br />
<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-37932374780396835372015-10-09T15:47:00.000-04:002015-10-09T15:49:55.277-04:00Feeling Alone with Autism, Again<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Yesterday was Parent/Teacher conference day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Our son, TJ, is 15 and has autism. We are used to our parent/teacher conference days by now - we have already met his teachers at open house, and at a team meeting before that, organized by his special educator. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This is all routine for us, and has been for a while. And we are in such close contact with TJ’s educational team that at these meetings, there are no surprises.</span></div>
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<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What was new for us last night, however, was the Adult Services/Transitional informational meeting that we were invited to, and attended, after our conferences with TJ’s teachers.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">TJ is a sophmore in high school, so we were grateful for the opportunity to learn about what possible services and programs could be in TJ’s future.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There were a handful of parents there; in fact, there were more presenters than families. At first, I thought this was great - there must be so many opportunities for kids like TJ upon high school graduation!</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Then, one by one, the presenters spoke about the organizations they represent. Every program sounded wonderful - employment and educational opportunities with organizations that think of the whole student - academically, socially, and including life skills too! How great!</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As I sat there and listened, however, I began to feel that slow creep of fear. There is a lot to know about these programs. And this part of his life always felt very far away - I don’t know if we are ready. And a lot of the employment they are speaking of are jobs in supermarkets, or restaurants, or front desk jobs at gyms…TJ loves animals and really knows so much about them. Where would he fit in? Would he fit in at all? Do we live in a terrible area for him, with no place to fit his interests, and do we have to think about moving?</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">All of these thoughts came flooding to me at once. And then, like a swift kick to the head, came another thought:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I don’t think TJ will have the typical “apply to college and wait for acceptance letters and celebrate with your family when you make your choice” experience. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This hurt. A lot. And I don’t even know why.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I learned a long time ago that most of the experiences that typical kids have, TJ doesn’t. I have mourned these losses and accepted them, and have learned to treasure every small success he has had, because for TJ and for us, they are not small at all. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I thought I could handle anything. I thought I was prepared for whatever came next.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Turns out I’m not as prepared as I thought.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And then I thought of my friends, waiting in line at the gym where parent/teacher conferences take place, to talk to their kids’ teachers. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And I suddenly felt very left out, very different, and very alone.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I know, logically, that I’m not alone. Sean, my amazing husband, was sitting right beside me. And if he was feeling any of these same feelings, he wasn’t giving it away at all. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I also know that my experiences at those conferences in the gym are similar to that of my friends’ experiences…..right? Aren’t they? Or am I oblivious to the fact that there are discussions that parents of typical kids have that we weren’t having?</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And in that crowded classroom, I felt like an outsider. All by myself in that busy, bustling building.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Do we get to make college plans like other parents? I know that if we do, it certainly won’t look the same. We will have to work with an outside agency, whose help we need to plan separate living arrangements, and forced socialization, and learning how to share a kitchen, and learning how to take a bus around town.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">All this time, I suppose that I thought that TJ would go to college, discover his passion, and magically translate that into a job. It was always my dream for him. But what if my dream and his dream don’t match? They most likely won’t. He probably won’t want to leave home, much less leave the state, and I dreamed that he could go to college anywhere he wanted. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He probably will always want to stay close to home.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I feel like I’m on the edge of a cliff, looking over, and not knowing what comes next.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And I suppose in some way, I am. The future is unknown. The things we have to consider for TJ’s future are much more detailed than that of your typical kid. The planning has a lot of hands involved. There are a lot of new things for me to learn as this next big step approaches.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’ve felt this way before - just before TJ started kindergarten.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So today, even though it hurts, and I feel like an outsider compared to other parents of sophomores, I know that soon, all those tasks that I have to perform for my boy will feel routine. As I learn more and more about our path, and the process we will have to go through, I will feel more secure, and less alone.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So forward I go, one foot in front of the other, comforted in the fact that although we are on the edge of some very new experiences, we will soon hit our stride, and do just what needs to be done to have TJ just where he needs to be.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal; min-height: 17px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Just where he needs to be.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-78356083766812310112015-09-28T13:40:00.001-04:002015-09-29T13:25:41.032-04:00Dear Mr. Biker Dude<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Dear Mr. Biker Dude,</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You probably don’t remember me, but I remember you. My son TJ does, too.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We were in that red car at the red light as you waited to turn left into the shopping center last week - we were opposite you. We were going straight. Or we were trying to.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m the one who leaned out of my window to talk to you - to plead with you - as you blocked the intersection so your 100 biker friends behind you could turn left into the shopping center after your left turn green had turned red. After our red light had turned green.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Do you remember us?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">You blocked the intersection so no one but your buddies could move. Was there an emergency at Big Lots you all had to get to in a timely manner? Were you desperate to get to the bank before it closed in 3 hours? I’m not sure what the emergency was, but it must have been serious for you to think you all had priority over everyone else on the road that day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m sure you didn’t know that my son TJ, who, to someone who just glances at him as he sits in the front seat or my car, has autism. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Until I told you, that is.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m sure you didn't know that he was having a hard time that day as we sat there, knowing how close to home we were, as I prayed that my son, ticking time bomb that he was, could hold out just a little bit longer until we were safe at home, where he could explode in a safe place.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m sure you didn’t know that just about 10 minutes before, we had dropped off his father at the airport, where TJ and I said goodbye to our rock for the next two weeks, after he had just returned home from a week long trip the night before. That TJ got just a taste of what it was like to have his Dad home again before he left again. That he feeds off of the energy around him, and that that energy contributes to his moods, his stability, and his success. At school and in his every day life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I know for a fact that you didn’t see his tears in his eyes, the ones he tried to hide from me, as we drove away from the airport and headed home.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I also know for a fact that you heard my words as I yelled out the window to you, as you held up your hand to ensure that I would “stop” and not plow you over as you illegally blocked the intersection, “Please please let us go through - my son has autism and I need to get him home. Please.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I know that your heart must be black as pitch, which you showed me when you shook your head and replied to me, “That’s too bad.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Then I started trying to soothe my boy, as he started to shake. He got scared. Did you know that? He said “Mom, why is he mean? Is he going to hurt us?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">After we got home, and after I gave him some deep pressure to try to comfort his overloaded sensory system, and after he had visibly calmed down, he asked me why bikers were so mean.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“They’re not,” I told him. “We just happen to come across one who was very mean and selfish. But TJ, you know Suzi and her husband? He’s a biker - a really nice one. Remember when you drew pictures with him? He’s a great artist, just like you. And remember Diana? She and her husband are bikers, and they both are so nice! Remember when she used to come over to hang out with you and Peter? We see them at the pool all the time. They are nice bikers. They aren’t all mean. We just had some bad luck today. Do you understand?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">He did. He’s amazing like that - he has a tendency to think the best of people until they show him otherwise.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So just in case you were wondering, Mr. Biker Dude, TJ did get scared, but he knows that not all bikers are as mean as you were. He knows not to judge a group of people by one bad apple. He knows that you all weren’t going to hurt us, but that you were breaking the law and doing something wrong, and that it’s not an ok thing to do, even though you all didn’t get caught.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">He also knows that you have a very small mind and a very small heart. And maybe that’s just my angry influence on his opinion, but hey, nobody’s perfect.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I hope to never see you again,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Lauren</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1231090660295969263.post-22167716985693527072015-09-18T15:36:00.000-04:002015-09-18T15:37:31.972-04:00To TJ's Team - I just thought you should know....I have read a lot of articles lately on what to ask your kid to get the best information out of them at the end of their school day. Anything but "How was your day?" to which you'll get "fine" and not much else.<br />
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I thought I was doing a pretty good job. TJ and I would chat about what happened and who he spent time with and who he ran in to and what he is studying for the whole ride home.<br />
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And I STILL missed a biggie.<br />
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Two days ago I got a call from TJ's special educator (SM - the best). He told me that TJ is really stressed out in one of his classes that he is taking as an elective. He said that the structure of the class is different than it was last year, and required a background that TJ just didn't have. It wasn't the fit that he thought it would be for TJ.<br />
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I was floored. Not because TJ wasn't doing well in a class, but because in all the conversations TJ and I have had about the class, I got no indications of his rising stress levels.<br />
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Apparently, SM and his para educator <i>were</i> seeing his rising stress levels very clearly, and wanted my permission to take him out of this elective class, with credits he didn't need, and find a better fit.<br />
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I immediately said yes, confident that they would find something for him to occupy his time in a less stressful, and therefore more productive, manner.<br />
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And of course, they did. He is enrolled in an art class as an independent study. I got emails this morning from SM and the para educator saying what a better morning TJ is having, and what a great switch this is for him.<br />
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And I almost cried out of happiness, and feelings of good fortune. <br />
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We are so lucky that TJ is in such capable, caring, amazing hands at his school.<br />
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We are so lucky that these incredible teachers can see things throughout TJ's day that we cannot see.<br />
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We are so lucky that they are proactive enough to prevent a complete meltdown. They jumped at the first signs of stress to investigate what is the source, and what, if any, changes needed to be made.<br />
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Sean, Peter and I are so grateful to these wonderful people, at his wonderful school, taking such good care of our wonderful boy.<br />
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And I just thought you should know.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02589610694220809294noreply@blogger.com0