Saturday, November 14, 2015

An Email From Peter

Peter sent me an email from school yesterday:

Mom, today in activity period, I was on a website for some research for my Spanish project. There was an ad for The Mighty. And I clicked on it and searched for your letter you wrote me that you posted last year. []  It brought me to tears while reading it. And even now as I type this I'm tearing up. I just wanted to say thank you for that letter. It reminds me of how thankful I am for how I am today after that rough first years through birth to Kindergarten. When I read the line "I wish you had more playgrounds as a toddler" is what gets me every time. Whenever I say or read this, I tear up. I can't thank you enough for all you've done.

I love you

Be still my heart.

One of my biggest concerns in raising a child with autism is raising a little brother of a child with autism.  Does he get enough attention?  Is he missing out on anything that I can help with?  Is he happy?  Does he feel loved?

Well, this email from Peter not only warmed my heart and made me cry, but it showed me that he is doing just fine.

Last week, TJ, Peter and I all spoke to UVM School of Medecine's second year students for their disabilities awareness week.  We are so fortunate to do it every year.

The students asked TJ, "If you could tell us one thing about living with autism, what would it be?"

TJ answered, "That it is a gift."

I think you're right, TJ.  As hard as it can be, it is indeed a gift, in many ways.

For all of us.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

An Epiphany from a Former Boozer

I've had an epiphany.

I'm a super-sensitive person.  Always have been.  I cry at the drop of a hat - happy and sad times.  It's annoying as hell.  It's one of those things about myself that has been the hardest to deal with.

I have realized that one of the hugest reasons that I drank so much was to stop feeling so much.  I feel everything very strongly.  Everything.  Stress, joy, insecurity, fun, happy and sad.  Drinking helped to quiet down and numb all those feelings that I was constantly experiencing.

Except when it didn't.  Sometimes I felt things even more strongly and reacted in a way that I wouldn't have, without the booze.

I embarrassed myself a lot.

But one of the best things about my quitting drinking is not only coping with all those strong feelings, but accepting them as a part of who I am.  Without apology.  Without regret.  Without shame.

So now what you get is 100% me, like it or not.  Take it or leave it, it is what it is.

And I must say, not only do I like myself more, but I respect myself more.  A hell of a lot more.

And if you don't respect me, I don't care.  For the first time in a long time, I have enough respect for myself to more than cover for those who have no respect for me.

How's that?  Not to shabby for little ole' me, right?

Also, I gotta say, no more hangovers kind of really rules supreme.  Those sucked.

And seltzer has come a long way.  Thank god.

I'm so deep!