A Newly-Sober Girl's Guide to the Holidays

So as you may or may not know, I'm 1 year 5 months booze free.

It's awesome.  And it sucks balls.

I can never predict which one it will be.  So I have decided to find the positive aspects of celebrating the holidays sober.  It's worth a shot, right?

So without further ado, may I present

GREAT BONUS FEATURES TO NOT GETTING LIT THIS HOLIDAY SEASON!

• There is no "oh my god did I really fall down in front of our neighbors?" mortification the day after the party
• There is no "oh my god did I really say that out loud to my mother?" mortification the day after the holiday (feel free to replace 'mother' with father, sister, husband, wife, kids, in-laws....you get the gist of it)
• You can wear stilettos without the fear of stumbling or tipping over randomly - your fashion choices are limitless!
• No drunk crying (this one is true 365 days/year actually)
• No embarrassing slurring or random phrases that make no sense (I seem to recall I actually once said 'lumpy on the beast'.  It made perfect sense to me, and me alone)
• For once, you can answer your friends' questions of "I don't remember that last night - what did I say?"
• No one will ever say "In vino veritas" to you again!!!  This one alone is worth it.
• You always have a ride home because you are the driver!

And perhaps the best one....

• SAVED CALORIES CAN BE SPENT ON DIP!  I love me some dip.

So there you go!  Happy pre-holiday celebrations everyone!  Enjoy your dip.