It's awesome. And it sucks balls.
I can never predict which one it will be. So I have decided to find the positive aspects of celebrating the holidays sober. It's worth a shot, right?
So without further ado, may I present
GREAT BONUS FEATURES TO NOT GETTING LIT THIS HOLIDAY SEASON!
- There is no "oh my god did I really fall down in front of our neighbors?" mortification the day after the party
- There is no "oh my god did I really say that out loud to my mother?" mortification the day after the holiday (feel free to replace 'mother' with father, sister, husband, wife, kids, in-laws....you get the gist of it)
- You can wear stilettos without the fear of stumbling or tipping over randomly - your fashion choices are limitless!
- No drunk crying (this one is true 365 days/year actually)
- No embarrassing slurring or random phrases that make no sense (I seem to recall I actually once said 'lumpy on the beast'. It made perfect sense to me, and me alone)
- For once, you can answer your friends' questions of "I don't remember that last night - what did I say?"
- No one will ever say "In vino veritas" to you again!!! This one alone is worth it.
- You always have a ride home because you are the driver!
And perhaps the best one....
- SAVED CALORIES CAN BE SPENT ON DIP! I love me some dip.
So there you go! Happy pre-holiday celebrations everyone! Enjoy your dip.