Wednesday, December 12, 2012

A Newly-Sober Girl's Guide to the Holidays

So as you may or may not know, I'm 1 year 5 months booze free.

It's awesome.  And it sucks balls.

I can never predict which one it will be.  So I have decided to find the positive aspects of celebrating the holidays sober.  It's worth a shot, right?

So without further ado, may I present


  • There is no "oh my god did I really fall down in front of our neighbors?" mortification the day after the party
  • There is no "oh my god did I really say that out loud to my mother?" mortification the day after the holiday (feel free to replace 'mother' with father, sister, husband, wife, kids, get the gist of it)
  • You can wear stilettos without the fear of stumbling or tipping over randomly - your fashion choices are limitless!
  • No drunk crying (this one is true 365 days/year actually)
  • No embarrassing slurring or random phrases that make no sense (I seem to recall I actually once said 'lumpy on the beast'.  It made perfect sense to me, and me alone)
  • For once, you can answer your friends' questions of "I don't remember that last night - what did I say?"
  • No one will ever say "In vino veritas" to you again!!!  This one alone is worth it.
  • You always have a ride home because you are the driver!

And perhaps the best one....

  • SAVED CALORIES CAN BE SPENT ON DIP!  I love me some dip.

So there you go!  Happy pre-holiday celebrations everyone!  Enjoy your dip.

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