Since my most recent post was published, the ads that have popped up on my screen are like this:
Cheap Sexy Shoes!
Date Asian Women!
That's when I stopped looking and decided that this post will be directed toward the type of ads I'd like to see on my blog. Also, if anyone knows how to set Blogger Ads so that skanky ads don't show up anymore, please let me know. Please forgive my gratuitous posting of the following:
Saks Fifth Avenue
Autism
Manolo Blahnik
Oscar de la Renta
Diane Von Furstenberg
Life Is Good!
Raising healthy children
Classic literature
Hawaii
Tretorns (remember those? I'm pretty sure an ad for them won't come up but what great sneakers they were....sigh.....I miss them.....)
Broadway Show Tunes
Culture culture culture!!!!!
Thank you - that is all.
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Wednesday, October 10, 2012
When did Halloween become trampy?
My dear friend Jennie, from Bogota, was here for one night so of course we were looking up Super Girl costumes on her computer. Listed under the Super Girl costumes were sheer body stockings. The girls wearing them were just wearing these body nylons, basically, and nothing else. What were they dressed up as? I'm not seeing a costume. Smoke? Steam? Dusk? I don't get it. Their boobs, by the way, were totally real, I'm sure of it.
Which got me to thinking - when did Halloween become trampy? And who really wears these costumes? Besides the college girls who wear kleenex-sized dresses, I mean. That's a no-brainer. But are there really "adults" who wear these costumes? And where do they live? I've never seen them. I'm no wallflower - I've been to my share of parties in my time, and I have never ever seen a tramp-filled party. Maybe I'm going to the wrong parties. Is there like a secret trampy society out there that I don't know about? And if so, what do the guys wear? Socks? And are those socks sheer too?
I realize I sound a little judgmental - I'm not trying to be. I'm simply astounded that there is a secret underground tramp body stocking and male peen nylon wearing society out there that I never knew about. It's bewilderment, really, not judgement. More power to the tramps and male hos. Really.
One more thought though - don't they get cold?
OK - enough about that. My final thought for today is about Contigo Coffee Travel Mugs. Thank god for them. If it weren't for them I would have had to change my top 3 times already today. I'm not kidding. 3 times. I got mad balance skills.
Which got me to thinking - when did Halloween become trampy? And who really wears these costumes? Besides the college girls who wear kleenex-sized dresses, I mean. That's a no-brainer. But are there really "adults" who wear these costumes? And where do they live? I've never seen them. I'm no wallflower - I've been to my share of parties in my time, and I have never ever seen a tramp-filled party. Maybe I'm going to the wrong parties. Is there like a secret trampy society out there that I don't know about? And if so, what do the guys wear? Socks? And are those socks sheer too?
I realize I sound a little judgmental - I'm not trying to be. I'm simply astounded that there is a secret underground tramp body stocking and male peen nylon wearing society out there that I never knew about. It's bewilderment, really, not judgement. More power to the tramps and male hos. Really.
One more thought though - don't they get cold?
OK - enough about that. My final thought for today is about Contigo Coffee Travel Mugs. Thank god for them. If it weren't for them I would have had to change my top 3 times already today. I'm not kidding. 3 times. I got mad balance skills.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Class of '92! At least we wear underwear.
This weekend is my 20th college reunion. My neighbor and former college roommate, our other college roommate and I all went out last night. And oh my, the times they have changed!!!
Where to begin? Well, first of all, the group of guys we were friends with from Freshman year get together every year - they are super tight, and may I say, super nice - it's always such a pleasure to see these guys every 5 years and hang out with them and their fabulous choices of wives. We went downtown to meet up with all of them at a bar. Then we went to their old college apartment to hang out.
OK.....maybe I need to back up a bit.
These guys, every 5 years, go to their old downtown apartment to party during reunion weekend. It's impressive, actually, the way they've worked this out.
I think during earlier reunions they just used to show up at the apartment with a keg and say, "we used to live here, if you let us hang out the beer is on us." I could be wrong about that, but I'm not sure I am. Anyway, now, apparently, they write a letter to the current residents ahead of time, asking about hanging out during reunion weekend, introducing themselves, and asking to begin correspondence. I'm not sure if they always receive a response, but no matter, they just knock on the door during reunion weekend and see if the current residents are ready for all of us.
Now this year, I believe, is the first year that the house is occupied by females. They were ready for all of us. Not only were they ready, but they had planned a party. So when we got there last night, we were allowed to walk up the front steps and enter through the front door. Current students had to go to the back door, where there was a hired security guard with a list of who could come in and who could not. I'm not kidding.
Another major difference is the party attire. We all were casual - jeans, shorts, t-shirts. They, however, wore dresses. The girls I mean.
Here's what I noticed through my 42 year old bias: the girls, sweet as can be, wore barely any clothing. The boys, also sweet but not as outwardly sweet, looked like they were 12 and some wore backpacks. One had a "vintage" t-shirt of a Dead Tour from the 80s. I went to one of those shows from that tour. Moment of clarity.
Anyway, back to the attire - the girls wore pretty dresses. Pretty small dresses. All of them. Every different size girl wore a pretty small dress. The size of a Kleenex. And I'm assuming none-derwear.
That's all I can say about that. Other than this: a bunch of us were hanging outside on the front porch, and those who were not at the party (other neighbors, people walking by...) were really rude. Yelling at us, "Go home to your kids!" and things like that. One kid from next door threw a lime at us. Seriously. I NEVER would have been this rude when I was their age - what's happened to these kids? I thought of the best come backs as I was walking to my car with my girls but I'm not going to share them here as I may need them tonight. We will probably end up at this apartment again.
I think I should send the current residents of this house a thank you basket - filled with underwear, nipple covers, aspirin and eye drops. It could be sponsored by Commando Underwear! They really make the best underwear - if you haven't tried it yet you really should.
Where to begin? Well, first of all, the group of guys we were friends with from Freshman year get together every year - they are super tight, and may I say, super nice - it's always such a pleasure to see these guys every 5 years and hang out with them and their fabulous choices of wives. We went downtown to meet up with all of them at a bar. Then we went to their old college apartment to hang out.
OK.....maybe I need to back up a bit.
These guys, every 5 years, go to their old downtown apartment to party during reunion weekend. It's impressive, actually, the way they've worked this out.
I think during earlier reunions they just used to show up at the apartment with a keg and say, "we used to live here, if you let us hang out the beer is on us." I could be wrong about that, but I'm not sure I am. Anyway, now, apparently, they write a letter to the current residents ahead of time, asking about hanging out during reunion weekend, introducing themselves, and asking to begin correspondence. I'm not sure if they always receive a response, but no matter, they just knock on the door during reunion weekend and see if the current residents are ready for all of us.
Now this year, I believe, is the first year that the house is occupied by females. They were ready for all of us. Not only were they ready, but they had planned a party. So when we got there last night, we were allowed to walk up the front steps and enter through the front door. Current students had to go to the back door, where there was a hired security guard with a list of who could come in and who could not. I'm not kidding.
Another major difference is the party attire. We all were casual - jeans, shorts, t-shirts. They, however, wore dresses. The girls I mean.
Here's what I noticed through my 42 year old bias: the girls, sweet as can be, wore barely any clothing. The boys, also sweet but not as outwardly sweet, looked like they were 12 and some wore backpacks. One had a "vintage" t-shirt of a Dead Tour from the 80s. I went to one of those shows from that tour. Moment of clarity.
Anyway, back to the attire - the girls wore pretty dresses. Pretty small dresses. All of them. Every different size girl wore a pretty small dress. The size of a Kleenex. And I'm assuming none-derwear.
That's all I can say about that. Other than this: a bunch of us were hanging outside on the front porch, and those who were not at the party (other neighbors, people walking by...) were really rude. Yelling at us, "Go home to your kids!" and things like that. One kid from next door threw a lime at us. Seriously. I NEVER would have been this rude when I was their age - what's happened to these kids? I thought of the best come backs as I was walking to my car with my girls but I'm not going to share them here as I may need them tonight. We will probably end up at this apartment again.
I think I should send the current residents of this house a thank you basket - filled with underwear, nipple covers, aspirin and eye drops. It could be sponsored by Commando Underwear! They really make the best underwear - if you haven't tried it yet you really should.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
I'm a little grumpy - so?!?!
Sean has a late conference call tonight so he came home early. Here's kinda how our short time together went:
Me: "So Sean, this water bottle you put in the sink, do you want me to put it in the dishwasher, are you going to hand wash it...."
Sean: "I was going to hand wash it."
Me: "But there hasn't been time in the past 2 days to do that?"
Pause
Sean: "Right."
Soon after this we sat down to dinner.
Sean: "I'm thinking we need to paint down here."
Me: (I've been waiting 3 years for this) "So we need to paint these three walls but not that one."
Sean: "Why not that one?"
Me: "Because it leads right into the office - there's no break. You'd have to paint all the way into there."
Sean: "No, you can just paint a line down where the entrance way ends and the office starts."
Me: "Just a line down the wall?"
Sean: "Yup."
Me: "Nope."
Sean: "Not a straight line? Just like a stop line?"
Me: "Nope."
Pause
Sean: "Hey Pete, guess which baseball team is in the playoffs?"
Me: "The Skankees." (Sean's favorite team - gag)
Sean: "Hey Pete, guess who they beat? The Red Sox!" (My favorite team)
Me: "Are you seriously starting this right now? We are talking about the walls."
Sean: "Well, what color were you thinking?"
Me: "A light tan that goes into the kitchen, replacing all that horrible wallpaper, and a tan and white glass back splash. Then we can get a chocolate brown slipcover for the couch, blue and white pillows, and blue and white curtains."
Pause
Sean: "Tan? Really?"
Me: "A very light tan."
Sean: "All the way into the kitchen? You don't want to do the kitchen in a different color?"
Me: "Well, what were you thinking?"
Sean: "I don't know, maybe butter cream?"
Me: "Yellow?!?! No. Next."
Sean: "Mossy green?"
Me: "No. Next."
Sean: "You can decide whatever color you want, you know."
Me: "Oh, believe me, I know."
Sean: "Do you need a costume change?"
The water bottle is still in the sink, by the way. I'm not washing it.
Me: "So Sean, this water bottle you put in the sink, do you want me to put it in the dishwasher, are you going to hand wash it...."
Sean: "I was going to hand wash it."
Me: "But there hasn't been time in the past 2 days to do that?"
Pause
Sean: "Right."
Soon after this we sat down to dinner.
Sean: "I'm thinking we need to paint down here."
Me: (I've been waiting 3 years for this) "So we need to paint these three walls but not that one."
Sean: "Why not that one?"
Me: "Because it leads right into the office - there's no break. You'd have to paint all the way into there."
Sean: "No, you can just paint a line down where the entrance way ends and the office starts."
Me: "Just a line down the wall?"
Sean: "Yup."
Me: "Nope."
Sean: "Not a straight line? Just like a stop line?"
Me: "Nope."
Pause
Sean: "Hey Pete, guess which baseball team is in the playoffs?"
Me: "The Skankees." (Sean's favorite team - gag)
Sean: "Hey Pete, guess who they beat? The Red Sox!" (My favorite team)
Me: "Are you seriously starting this right now? We are talking about the walls."
Sean: "Well, what color were you thinking?"
Me: "A light tan that goes into the kitchen, replacing all that horrible wallpaper, and a tan and white glass back splash. Then we can get a chocolate brown slipcover for the couch, blue and white pillows, and blue and white curtains."
Pause
Sean: "Tan? Really?"
Me: "A very light tan."
Sean: "All the way into the kitchen? You don't want to do the kitchen in a different color?"
Me: "Well, what were you thinking?"
Sean: "I don't know, maybe butter cream?"
Me: "Yellow?!?! No. Next."
Sean: "Mossy green?"
Me: "No. Next."
Sean: "You can decide whatever color you want, you know."
Me: "Oh, believe me, I know."
Sean: "Do you need a costume change?"
The water bottle is still in the sink, by the way. I'm not washing it.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
It's all about your costume, baby!
Sean thinks it is endearing and super-cute when I call the clothes that football players wear "costumes". He tells me they are called "uniforms" but I think we all know the truth.
Costume-O-Rama.
Let's take those football players for example. Do they walk around their every day life grunting like animals and body checking people in the grocery store who take the last box of Franken Berry? Maybe...it's a distinct possibility....but most likely not. Put them in their tight pants costume, however, and watch their inner animal be released! It's like instant permission to act a certain way!
I used to act in plays in high school and college (isn't that a shocker???). There was such a difference from regular rehearsals to dress rehearsals - my true character that I had been working so hard on came out fully in full costume, in a way that it just couldn't before. And when I used to sing A Capella in college, when I was dressed up for a show, I always sang better. Always.
See? Costumes.
Whether you agree with me or not, we all wear costumes every day. Yes, this is me telling you that I am right about this and if you do not agree you are wrong. I never do that! It feels kinda good. A new beast may be born. OFF TOPIC ALERT! I'm back.
When I'm feeling dumpy, I find myself wearing my grubbiest jeans and sweatshirts. When I was trapped like an animal in bed with diverticulitis, in pain and feeling terribly sorry for myself, I wouldn't even shower every day (see how much of myself I give to you, my faithful readers? You're welcome.). I looked on the outside the way I felt on the inside - terrible.
When I'm in those in-between moods where it could clearly go either way, I have complete control over which direction it goes depending on how I dress. This includes make up. If I am dressed in things I like and am not at least wearing mascara, I'm not standing as tall as I could be. If I just can't pull myself out of a funk, is a little more casual and no make up.
Think I'm shallow? Go ahead. I'm right, you're wrong. THIS IS FUN!!!!
Do you know when my crazy shoe obsession started? Right after TJ was diagnosed with autism. During the darkest time of my life, I found relief, and an exhilarating sense of joy, when I put on a pretty pair of shoes. It was that simple, when nothing in my life was simple. Joy was hard to come by in those days, so I created my own. My shoe love was born. Plus, you can gain all the weight in the world and your shoes will still fit. And you can change moods as quickly as you can change shoes! It's seriously one of the best things I ever did for my personal psyche.
So there is all the proof you need - now go try it yourself. Put a little extra time into your costume, or maybe try a new costume, and see what happens. I'm going to do that myself.
I always did love a costume change.
BY THE WAY...if anyone from Ann Taylor or Steve Madden is reading this and would like to sponsor my costume changes, I'm very open to that. Or Prada. Or Christian Louboutin. Or....
Costume-O-Rama.
Let's take those football players for example. Do they walk around their every day life grunting like animals and body checking people in the grocery store who take the last box of Franken Berry? Maybe...it's a distinct possibility....but most likely not. Put them in their tight pants costume, however, and watch their inner animal be released! It's like instant permission to act a certain way!
I used to act in plays in high school and college (isn't that a shocker???). There was such a difference from regular rehearsals to dress rehearsals - my true character that I had been working so hard on came out fully in full costume, in a way that it just couldn't before. And when I used to sing A Capella in college, when I was dressed up for a show, I always sang better. Always.
See? Costumes.
Whether you agree with me or not, we all wear costumes every day. Yes, this is me telling you that I am right about this and if you do not agree you are wrong. I never do that! It feels kinda good. A new beast may be born. OFF TOPIC ALERT! I'm back.
When I'm feeling dumpy, I find myself wearing my grubbiest jeans and sweatshirts. When I was trapped like an animal in bed with diverticulitis, in pain and feeling terribly sorry for myself, I wouldn't even shower every day (see how much of myself I give to you, my faithful readers? You're welcome.). I looked on the outside the way I felt on the inside - terrible.
When I'm in those in-between moods where it could clearly go either way, I have complete control over which direction it goes depending on how I dress. This includes make up. If I am dressed in things I like and am not at least wearing mascara, I'm not standing as tall as I could be. If I just can't pull myself out of a funk, is a little more casual and no make up.
Think I'm shallow? Go ahead. I'm right, you're wrong. THIS IS FUN!!!!
Do you know when my crazy shoe obsession started? Right after TJ was diagnosed with autism. During the darkest time of my life, I found relief, and an exhilarating sense of joy, when I put on a pretty pair of shoes. It was that simple, when nothing in my life was simple. Joy was hard to come by in those days, so I created my own. My shoe love was born. Plus, you can gain all the weight in the world and your shoes will still fit. And you can change moods as quickly as you can change shoes! It's seriously one of the best things I ever did for my personal psyche.
So there is all the proof you need - now go try it yourself. Put a little extra time into your costume, or maybe try a new costume, and see what happens. I'm going to do that myself.
I always did love a costume change.
BY THE WAY...if anyone from Ann Taylor or Steve Madden is reading this and would like to sponsor my costume changes, I'm very open to that. Or Prada. Or Christian Louboutin. Or....
Monday, October 1, 2012
A Quick Little Dose of Wisdom
I just had a too-quick visit with a friend when I was supposed to be running errands. This visit, in my opinion, was a much better use of my time for a couple of reasons: number one, because I love to see my good friends, and number two, we got into a discussion that resulted in a good catch phrase for me to remember when things get tough.
When the head is over here:
and the heart is over here:
it's time to follow your head.
And I'm talking about your BRAIN, you dirty minded little people.
No matter what the situation is, no matter how much it hurts, if you logically know something isn't good for you, even though you may want it, follow your logic. Your head will lead you in the right direction and you will do what is best for you in the long run.
That's it for today. I can't give you too much wisdom or you'll all get spoiled.
When the head is over here:
and the heart is over here:
it's time to follow your head.
And I'm talking about your BRAIN, you dirty minded little people.
No matter what the situation is, no matter how much it hurts, if you logically know something isn't good for you, even though you may want it, follow your logic. Your head will lead you in the right direction and you will do what is best for you in the long run.
That's it for today. I can't give you too much wisdom or you'll all get spoiled.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Retail to the Rescue!
So this not drinking thing has really sucked lately. I mean REALLY sucked. I haven't fallen off the wagon, don't panic, but I thought about it. In my mind I had planned my perfect wagon leaping drink - champagne. And of course I would have to do it all by myself because I can't even begin to imagine the look on anyone's face I would dare to cocktail in front of. See, part of the reason I'm so public about it is accountability - this way I can't sneak one by anyone. A very clever thought at the time the decision was made, but now it pisses me off. In a good way. Does that make sense?
Anyway I'm not going to go into why it's so hard, mostly because I'm still trying to figure that one out. I will say that it is difficult, even after over a year of success, to be the only girl at the table with a seltzer. Please keep in mind my friends are great and I'm so lucky to have them, but it's difficult taking this on alone. Not that I'm alone, but my main sober support lives in RI and I'm struggling locally. My RI support, we'll call her D.D., is amazing, and I can't thank her enough for helping me through these past few weeks. OK enough about that.
The reason for writing this is what I did to drag me out of my blue mood today....
I went shopping.
Cliche, I know, but good god it works really well!
I am the most practical shopper ever. I hate to buy things at full price - I'm a great bargain hunter. Also, I don't buy anything unless I ABSOLUTELY love it. That means, when I look in the mirror, it's never a "Mmmmm, maybe...." kind of thing. If it's not an immediate "LOVE IT" then it goes back. This is my shopping theory. Also I have to be able to wear it in at least 3 different ways for it to make the grade.
So I ended up with a new pair of jeans....SKINNY jeans. Whoever came up with this marketing plan is brilliant. I could have bought a size 326 and it still would have been labelled "skinny". Psychological genius. It worked for me. And by the way, have I ever mentioned that I am "Joanne Average"? You know that group of people who most marketing is directed toward, the average sucker in every crowd? That's me. Even the impulse buy section at the cash register - I find myself thinking "Oh my god, I totally need that shake weight I saw advertised on TV! Look, it's right there! I will do it every day and have amazing Linda Hamilton circa Terminator 2 arms!" This is when my shopping theory saves my life and Sean's wallet. Works every time.
Back to my original story - I came home with my new SKINNY jeans, and a cute sparkly top on sale, and some fun size Twix (they were by the register. No judgement). Fast forward a few hours when I'm upstairs helping the boys get ready for showers when I decide IT'S FASHION SHOW TIME and I try on my new SKINNY jeans with many outfits. Right now I'm in outfit #6. May I just say how cute these SKINNY jeans are with heels? All sizes? 2 1/2 inch to 6 inch - no problem! My SKINNY jeans are faboo in every situation! I think that before I go to bed I will break out at least 6 or 7 more pairs of shoes.
In any case, it is a cliche, but for me, a little shopping saved the day. A little shopping and a lot of costume changes. And D.D.
Anyway I'm not going to go into why it's so hard, mostly because I'm still trying to figure that one out. I will say that it is difficult, even after over a year of success, to be the only girl at the table with a seltzer. Please keep in mind my friends are great and I'm so lucky to have them, but it's difficult taking this on alone. Not that I'm alone, but my main sober support lives in RI and I'm struggling locally. My RI support, we'll call her D.D., is amazing, and I can't thank her enough for helping me through these past few weeks. OK enough about that.
The reason for writing this is what I did to drag me out of my blue mood today....
I went shopping.
Cliche, I know, but good god it works really well!
I am the most practical shopper ever. I hate to buy things at full price - I'm a great bargain hunter. Also, I don't buy anything unless I ABSOLUTELY love it. That means, when I look in the mirror, it's never a "Mmmmm, maybe...." kind of thing. If it's not an immediate "LOVE IT" then it goes back. This is my shopping theory. Also I have to be able to wear it in at least 3 different ways for it to make the grade.
So I ended up with a new pair of jeans....SKINNY jeans. Whoever came up with this marketing plan is brilliant. I could have bought a size 326 and it still would have been labelled "skinny". Psychological genius. It worked for me. And by the way, have I ever mentioned that I am "Joanne Average"? You know that group of people who most marketing is directed toward, the average sucker in every crowd? That's me. Even the impulse buy section at the cash register - I find myself thinking "Oh my god, I totally need that shake weight I saw advertised on TV! Look, it's right there! I will do it every day and have amazing Linda Hamilton circa Terminator 2 arms!" This is when my shopping theory saves my life and Sean's wallet. Works every time.
Back to my original story - I came home with my new SKINNY jeans, and a cute sparkly top on sale, and some fun size Twix (they were by the register. No judgement). Fast forward a few hours when I'm upstairs helping the boys get ready for showers when I decide IT'S FASHION SHOW TIME and I try on my new SKINNY jeans with many outfits. Right now I'm in outfit #6. May I just say how cute these SKINNY jeans are with heels? All sizes? 2 1/2 inch to 6 inch - no problem! My SKINNY jeans are faboo in every situation! I think that before I go to bed I will break out at least 6 or 7 more pairs of shoes.
In any case, it is a cliche, but for me, a little shopping saved the day. A little shopping and a lot of costume changes. And D.D.
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