This was the beginning of a downward spiral.
I felt less than. And since that's what I felt about myself, that's what I put out there. I showed everyone that I was struggling and felt foreign - I didn't know how to treat me, and others followed my suit. Not their fault - it was what I put out there and what I accepted.
It took me a long time to figure out that what I put out is what would come back to me. I put out uncertainty and insecurity, and that's exactly what came back to me. I didn't know how to trust my new self because I didn't know her.
Now I do. Now I know better.
Now I value who I am and what I do, and surround myself with those who agree.
I don't blame those who didn't agree at the end of my confusion. They worked with what I gave them. It took my going through that confusion, and losing those friendships, to get me where I am today.
I feel badly for hurting anyone. I wish I could have transformed my life with no carnage. But I see now that this was impossible. I didn't value myself then, and I do now. I didn't treat myself well then, and I do now. They had nothing else to work with besides what I gave them. I hurt, they hurt. It is over now and I am so much happier without that struggle. I'm sure they are happier too. I wish them all well and hope they wish me the same. And if they don't, that's ok too. That part is not mine; it is not up to me.
The part that is up to me, is good. Finally.