Thursday, September 6, 2012

My keen crime-fighting eye has paid off....almost

So I'm in the lobby of the hospital, you know, just sipping my barium, minding my own business, when I hand the barium to Sean so I can use the ladies room. I admit it, times were desperate enough that I used the fully accessible stall because the other was taken. Lo and behold, sitting on top of the tp dispenser (worst tp ever, by the way), was a Baggie containing a tissue and at least 200 small lavender pills. Just sitting there.

My first thought was "do NOT touch the bag and get your fingerprints on it!" See how useful my late night crime show viewing has been? This could have been a very different story if I wasn't obsessed with these shows right now.

As I exited the stall, the woman who checked me in was washing her hands. "There's a full bag of pills in there, FYI" I told her. Then quickly added, "Not mine." just so we were clear. After we expressed our relief that a child didn't get to them first, she took them out and gave them to security.

About 5 minutes later, as I'm sitting there sipping my barium, a woman in too-short shorts spilling out of her tank top ran like a crazy woman into the bathroom. She came out and I (stupidly) said "are you looking for a bag of pills?" Yes, I really said that. I told her that the check in lady gave it to security. Way to deflect responsibility, right? So she ran outside to talk to the security guard. I see her frantically talking, waving her arms around, looking really upset, until a cop car pulls up. Then she leaves in the other direction. They retrace steps to the scene of the crime and I was waiting patiently to be questioned.

Can't lie, I was excited.

But it never happened!!! HUGE BUZZ-KILL!!! The check in lady told the cop that I was the one who found the pills and all I got was a nod of the head.

I was so disappointed.

Maybe next time I'll get called to court - I know JUST how to be a perfect witness.

All tests are fine, btw.  I'm as healthy as a cute horse in fabulous shoes.

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