One year ago today I had my last drink. I remember it clearly - a Skinnygirl Margarita with my good friend Lisa in my living room. While sipping that last drink we were talking about how hard I was going to try to just have 1 or 2 - how I knew I could do it, no problem. How I would never let myself get out of control with the booze. How I knew it would not be a problem at all and I could just drink a little bit socially.
The next day I went to my therapist and told him my plan - just 1 or 2 drinks and I'll be fine. I had been worried about my drinking, and so had some family and friends. But this ought to do the trick - I can totally handle this plan.
"Bullshit", he said to me.
"If you think you can't drink responsibly, why don't you stop completely?"
"Well, I don't want to. I don't think I need to."
"Bullshit" he said again. "If you didn't think you needed to, you wouldn't be here right now crying about this."
I was stunned. Stunned because he was right, and I knew it. Stunned because we were talking about it out loud. Stunned because I seemed to be on the very edge of making a huge change in my life, and I didn't think I was strong enough to do it. Stunned because after so many years of pushing the thought away that I may have a drinking problem, here it was, front and center, and I had nowhere to hide.
I had nowhere to hide.
I made the tough choice. The right choice. Right for me. Why it was right this time, I have no idea. But as scared and as uncertain as I was, I did it.
I did it!!!
So June 30, 2011, I had my last drink with one of my closest friends Lisa.
July 1, 2011, was my first dry day.
And I'll remember that last drink with Lisa, but I'll cherish the many laughs we've shared since then even more.
So to Lisa, and to the many wonderful people in my life who have given me the strength to make it through this challenging but oh-so-important first year, I am forever grateful.
Thank you - all of you - so much.
Here's to many more.