My boys are teenagers.
How the hell did that happen? Seriously. They were little, in elementary school, I blinked, and now they are teenagers.
Handsome, funny, big footed, growth spurting, sometimes stinky always loving even when they are snarky, teenagers.
They have grown and changed so much, which makes me think back to myself as a mom.
I have grown and changed so much too.
I don't feel very different. But then when I think about it, I have changed a ton.
And not just because of autism.
On the surface I have changed. I now take better care of myself physically than I ever have before. I exercise. And I know that all my high school friends are saying "she WHAT?!?!" But it's true! Not faking!!! I used to avoid it like the plague and now I actually miss it when I can't do it (head cold anyone?).
(Example of avoidance - I took "relaxation" as a college PE class. I excelled.)
My thing about shoes? It didn't start until after TJ was diagnosed. Now I am having so much fun with clothes, shoes, jewelry, make up....please keep in mind that I DON'T HAVE A JOB and I hang out by myself most of the day, so when you look at it that way it sounds pretty sad and lame. But it's not! I'm enjoying myself.
And when I hit that supermarket or eye appointment, I'm smokin'. By Lauren standards, anyway. OK, so the eye doctor always says "the make up goes AROUND the eyes, not IN the eyes", but whatever.
I used to watch cheesy TV shows that took me away from my own world, but now I can't even stand most of those. Too much yelling. Too much camera hoggy diva behavior. Too much delusion. Seriously. These ladies are nuts, have you seen them? Anyway, now I'm all about smart, clever TV series that tell a story and keep me wanting more.
With an occasional dash of kooky reality tv, you know, because one has to ween off of them like caffeine.
I think the key to getting older, for me, anyway, has been giving myself permission to change. Who cares that I'm not the same girl I was 2 years ago? Here's who I am today. I'm happy, I'm enjoying myself, and I'm taking the best care of my family because I feel complete.
I have finally figured out the balance. A little care given, a little care taken. Dish a little out, get a little back.
It's all about flexibility. I teach my kids this, why didn't I listen for myself? Be flexible, be willing to change, be strong when you have to be and bend when you can.
Be honest. Be true to your gut.
And don't take things so seriously! There are tough things in life - I've got my fair share (plus some other people's fair share, it sometimes seems), but if I use that as an excuse to lay low, I miss everything! Life passes by! JUMP IN!!!
Are you guys all scratching your head wondering what started all of this? I'll tell you...
Lots of friends have said "write a book!" So I sat down to try. Many times.
And I'll tell ya, some stories simply do not need to be revisited. Ever.
So with that in mind, I move forward, in positivity, with a smile, because the alternative sucks and is a waste of time.
And maybe I will write a book someday, but if I do, you can bet that I won't be writing it on a sunny day. I'll be out with my kids, trying to get them to take a walk with me, which they will refuse to do, because they are teenagers, and what teenager wants to go for a walk with their mom?
And I'm loving every second of it.