I Deserve It

Greetings from the land of "We all are getting colds!"  'Tis the season.

I have had some ask me recently how I quit drinking.  Let's back up a teeny bit - no need to revisit the drama in depth.

I was a party girl.  Then I used tough times as an "I deserve this 3pm cocktail" excuse.  Then when it got to be too much, it was time to stop.

So I stopped.  I just stopped.

This was four + years ago.  And it was really hard.

Until it wasn't.

For me, the excuse of "I deserve this" was just so lame that even I recognized it.  My husband and kids didn't deserve to have me as absent and tuned out and tired as I was.  I didn't deserve the shame and guilt the next day.  Not to mention the hangovers.

This is what I deserve:

I deserve to be present with my family.  100%.

I deserve to feel comfortable and confident with my friends, and not worry about what they think of me (now I do!).

I deserve to be healthy and maintain a good weight.

I deserve to be able to wake up and jump right in to my day without a headache.

I deserve to feel proud of myself every day and feel proud that I am doing the best thing for myself, even if it's different from the norm.

I deserve to not feel the shame every day of knowing that I'm drinking too much.  And the shame of knowing that I embarrassed myself, again.  And the shame of knowing that the funny drunk Lauren routine was wearing thin.  Shame is a bitch and I don't miss it at all.  Let's face it - the "let's remind Lauren what she said last night" routine was getting old.

This isn't for everyone - you know if you drink too much or not.  We are aware.  I couldn't stop at 2 or 3 like my most people could - I certainly didn't need any more, but I deserved it, dammit.

Now I deserve so much more.  And I've got it.

So that's how I did it.  You're welcome.