Tough Night

Oh boy, what a tough night.

Huge meltdown.  TJ's "rock brain" took over his existence.  "Rock Brain" is when he gets something in his head, and he can not let it go.  He's stuck.  And it happens so rarely now that when it does happen, it shakes us all up.

I want to pull all the struggle, all the pain, out of my boy, who is now taller than I am and knows his strength.  Eek.

I want to comfort his brother, scared of the loud yelling, and sad that it is happening.

Wasn't there a cartoon where one character was zipping in all directions at the same time, doing everything?  That's what I wish I could do at these times.  Be everywhere to take care of everything.

When my sweet baby is going through this meltdown, he has to go through it to get over it.  He always swears at all of us.  Tonight it was me.  And he's learned some new ones.  Eek, again.

Sometimes we have to protect him from hurting himself.  These are the worst ones.  But it's our reality.  And it's during these times that I am so calm, so soothing, that I am shocking even myself.  Sean is always calm, and helps me as much as he helps the boys.  He is my rock.

We love this kid, with our entire hearts, and we can not stop his suffering.

This is parenting.

In time, TJ always breaks down crying, saying how sorry he is and how badly he feels for the things he has said.

I will never, ever, let him feel badly for trying to figure things out.  I will be his punching bag, his person to scream at, his one to take everything out on.

Then I will hold him up.  Tell him how proud we are of him that he got through it.  That he is so loved no matter what he says, by all of us.  That we can talk about how it felt, and eventually we can work on other ways of working through our anger before it takes over our whole head and body.  That we will do anything for him, always.

That's my job.  And I do love my job.