Kicking Myself

Last week, both boys returned to school after holiday break.  I don't know what I was thinking, but I thought that TJ's new semester started on that first day.

"I'm so on top of this," I thought to myself, as I talked to TJ about his new PE class he would be attending in the new semester.  I talked about his new teacher so he would remember his name.  I told him that he needed to go to the gym on his first day, since his new class is during that first block.  He even called a friend on the phone to ask if his friends was in the PE class, too, so he would know someone and not be as nervous.

I sent him out of the car on that first day, nervously thinking "Could I have done any more for him to put him at ease during this transition time?"  I went over and over things, and decided that he was all set, and I had done everything I could.

Everything, that is, except actually look at the calendar to see that the actual date of the new semester is NEXT FRIDAY and there is a whole round of FINAL EXAMS he has to prepare for before the new semester begins!

And how did I learn this?

From an email sent to me by his wonderful Special Educator, saying that TJ was confused and showed up to the wrong class first block.  He was late for his regular first block class, but he wasn't that stressed about it, and adjusted quickly.  He even met his new PE teacher for next semester when he accidentally showed up in the gym!  He handled it so well!  Isn't that great news???

GULP.

I fessed up.  Totally my fault.  I apologized to the Special Educator, and later to TJ, saying that the whole thing was my fault, and I'm so sorry, and I'm so proud of how you handled the zig-zag in the day (our term for something unexpected happening), and I will pay much better attention to the schedule from now on.

Whew.  Huge sigh of relief as we put my major blunder behind us.

Until this morning.

Yes, folks, just one week later, I SCREWED UP AGAIN.

I told TJ his exams start a week from today.  And don't worry, we will study a little bit every day, and by the time your busiest exam day is here (Social Studies and English both in one day), you will be all set!

Wrong again.  I got a message from a friend who is a teacher at the high school, after I proudly declared on Facebook how on top of this exam thing I was.  She so sweetly asked did I know that exams actually start this Thursday?  And maybe TJ doesn't start until Monday because that's how his schedule worked out, but just in case....

GULP.  AGAIN.  And this time publicly!

So I tucked my tail between my legs, mentally burned my "Mother of the Year" award in a huge blaze, and sat TJ down to tell him that I was wrong, and his busiest exam day was actually this Friday.

"WHAT?!?!" he said.  He was nervous.  I almost cried, I felt so terrible.

I pulled up the emailed exam schedule that his faboo Special Educator had not only sent me, but walked through with me in person last Thursday.  LAST THURSDAY!  IN PERSON!!!

I have no excuse this time.  I screwed up.

Long story short (too late), TJ is fine, and even confident, as he studied today during his study hall at school, then again when he came home.

I, on the other hand, suck.  And now not only do I feel terrible for screwing the schedule up, I don't trust myself AT ALL that I won't somehow screw something else up.

I suppose the good news is that in the 12 years of TJ living with an autism diagnosis, these are my first big screw ups.  So that's not too bad, right?  I mean, it's not like we don't have time to make up for my mistakes, right?

Ugh.  Forget it.  I feel badly.  I'll get over it though...as long as TJ is ok, then I'm ok.

And you can bet that (fingers crossed, folks) this is the absolute last time I let such huge errors occur.

BAD Lauren!  BAD!!!